>With living in a different area and trying to take on a different lifestyle I have begun to realize many things about myself. Some of them positive but many of them negative that I did not even realize. One major aspect of my personality that I need to change and I feel is changing already is my patience. I did not know how impatient I was or quick to anger I was. I know it sounds hard not to realize this but when you are used to doing it or programmed to react in such a way that you can’t even see it. As it was mention before I have become interested in Buddhism and my husband and I are joining a Buddhist Temple. We went to our first service last Sunday and we cannot wait for our next service tomorrow! This experience has really woken us up and has driven us to make many changes to our lives and personalities. I can tell already that normal situations that would knock me for a loop normally do not anymore. I don’t have that tightness in my stomach, the sweaty palms, the lack of sleep are all gone! I have been reading the book Introduction to Buddhism and doing a lot more meditation and that has been doing wonders! My nerves do not feel so fried I don’t feel so on edge and I think slowly but surely my patience is getting greater and greater. Now I am not expecting this miraculous transformation over night but I can tell a difference already and the anxiety levels are way down if not gone! I know I have just begun this journey but I really like where it is taking me.

Another bad habit I have/had (and I hate admitting this) is hanging on to the past. I have, like so many others, have been done wrong by people and I hang on to it. When they try to come back around as my friend or contact me after a stretch of time I immediately would react! “where does she get off calling me?” “Why does she want to meet up?” Getting angry and not responding to the outreach. How do I handle this? If I am always available I am telling that person that it is ok to treat me the way they have been treating me and the best way to get the point across that it isn’t is to ignore them right? But on the other hand isn’t that reacting out of anger? Out of hanging on to the past? This is my struggle that I have to overcome I mean how long can you hang on to something like that? Now I am not gong around telling people how much I hate certain people because I don’t hate anybody, I honestly don’t that is the worse life energy drainer I can think of, but there are people that I choose to avoid and for good reason. I avoid them because they have become toxic and it’s best for me not to have any toxic individuals around. I am not sure if I am handling this right but I am on the journey to finding out. I have made it a goal of mine to let go of the past because it is dead and gone. What kind of life are you leading where you are still angry about things or holding grudges against people that have hurt you in someway a long time ago? I want to be happy, healthy and blessed and I want others to feel the same joy. I can imagine it is an indescribable joy and I can’t wait to share this with you…
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